Dual....:-)
I'm really into asian looking animals
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
