that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
