i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
