genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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