So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
