is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
