college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Who died my cat blue again?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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