Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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