Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
