i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
