The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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