nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
