im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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