I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
