There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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