So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
