I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
