Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
