i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
