He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
