I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
