I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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