I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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