Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
True college students do jello shots in the library
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
