yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
