woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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