Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
