I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
