Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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