she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
