pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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