I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
