My friends, they love my intelligence
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
