my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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