I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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