i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
