Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
