if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
