Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
