like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dear god my vagina.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
