Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
