You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
