I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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