he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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