I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
