he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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