I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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