I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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