I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
