Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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