This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
