i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
