my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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