so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
