We're facebook friends in real life
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
