I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
